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Happy Place

This feels fucking awful. I am anxious, this is so new to me, this feeling. I cannot get out of my own mind. I'm going back to KK tomorrow (I hope), Just gotta pack. But aduiii. What the fuck. Packing pun sa takut. Semua sa takut. Semua sa procrastinate. Nasib baik sekarang compared to dulu, saya pandai sudah aware pasal semua tu cognitive distortions otak sa. The worlds I created in my own mind, the coping mechanisms i developed. Tidak boleh laa kalau sampai adult life mau fikir begitu. Even before typing this sentence I sempat lagi assess the whole writings. Hahahaha. I'm going back for a short holiday, so I should be happy, right. Prepare myself for my holiday saja dulu. Damn, the pandemic changed me. I'm so anxious to go out. This is temporary but it feels like such a long time. Lol. **** Mentally, I'm also currently on a new phase; healing phase 2: identifying cognitive distortions, emdr therapy, persistent depressive disorder, adjustment disorder.  phase 1 was: db
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Entahla tapi aku maw write.

 It's sad how people don't realize what they're doing is hurting others because they prioritize self-benefit too much, aka insecure and lack self-love....... That they have to manipulate everyone around them to get what they want. But this is too familiar to me. I grew up with someone who has this disorder. Kesian kan? Not me, but this person. Or anyone la actually. I'm just grateful that it never turned me into an evil bitch, but it turned me into an overly empathic person. But this year, I've learned to be strong and protect myself by creating better boundaries. That's a power that I'm learning to improve. To stop surrounding myself with people who lack the skills with their own boundaries. To stop giving manipulative people power by disengaging. And more. Lol. But it feels lonely.   
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